intimatedesires

reallyreallyreallytrying:

medusa, trying to turn you to stone, but you accidentally called her “melissa” when you first walked in and now you’re too embarrassed to look at her. “it’s alright” she keeps saying “i get it all the time” but you still won’t look. u don’t even remember the stone thing until later

(via hilarioustextposts)

— 1 day ago with 104834 notes
tea-and-glasses:

This isn’t even an overreaction

tea-and-glasses:

This isn’t even an overreaction

(Source: tayrawrlovesyou, via thatdudemcfly)

— 1 day ago with 258552 notes

theogblackjesus:

bile9:

neighborhoodfreakk:

battleroyale2wasashitmovie:

I’m not even mad about the n-word like I just honestly can’t stop laughing

The hip thrust omg

wheekbjrjkwekabkjrgkj2kj4

BOW!!! WHATCHU KNOW BOUT DAT?

(Source: coalgirls, via thatdudemcfly)

— 1 day ago with 3947 notes

809212:

janeejanetjane:

yesbria:

REMEMBER WHEN JAY RANDOMLY DID A TWITTER Q&A LMAO.

LMAOOO

This is hilarious

i havent checked that side of the house in months

(Source: life-of-beyonce, via thatdudemcfly)

— 1 day ago with 5157 notes

thesylverlining:

elkian:

teen-heat:

why do advertisers sexualize female m&ms

why do advertisers assign gender to m&ms

why do advertisers humanize food products

why is there a bear family who considers the highlight of their day to be wiping their asses

(via hilarioustextposts)

— 3 days ago with 229130 notes

fukkkres:

when ur eating dinner at your friends house

image

and their parents start arguing

image

and you want to ask for the salt

image

but the salt is right in between their upcoming divorce

image

(via textpostsrus)

— 3 days ago with 109245 notes

vincentvangaylord:

timeandspaceismything:

vincentvangaylord:

grandkanye:

imagine if giraffes had 2 legs

image

That just looks like the front view of a giraffe.

oh well excuse me princess do u need a sideview of it prancing through nature

image

(via funnytext-posts)

— 4 days ago with 487851 notes

troyesivan:

visiblecc1:

fuglypudding:

if watermelon exists why doesn’t earthmelon, firemelon and airmelon??

The elemelons

saying the word elemelons aloud was the funnest thing ive ever done

(via hilarioustextposts)

— 4 days ago with 539944 notes

princess-of-lore:

mycheekyfinn:

official-nasa:

monilip:

dont-stop-runninggg:

knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad 

That was deep

philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie

That was deeper.

common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty

(Source: whattt-fucking-ever, via funnytext-posts)

— 4 days ago with 710817 notes